Viewpoints

Tue
13
Apr

How to become a millionaire or lose your shirt

When I was a kid, a TV show called "The Millionaire" was one of my favorites.

A man knocked on someone's door and handed over a check for $1 million from an anonymous donor. I used to think about what I'd do if the knock came on my door.

Wed
07
Apr

Oh, Jesse, you Jackal!

All I wanted was a copy of "Abraham Lincoln: Vampire Hunter."

Mon
22
Mar

Pets can't complain

Sometimes people just don't know when to stop when it comes to their pets. I'm not talking about giving them copious amounts of treats, letting them sleep between you and your significant other in a twin bed or making them meals that consist of top sirloin and baked potatoes.

Mon
15
Mar

Finally, 'It's in our hands!'

Unless you have been hibernating this winter, it has been impossible to miss all the hype surrounding the 2010 Census form, which should finally be arriving in our mailboxes this week.

Tue
09
Mar

Memory malady marvels

If there's anybody out there who suffers from the level of short-term memory loss that I do, please contact me and we'll start a support group.

Wed
03
Mar

Dolphins go rogue

Dolphins are turning to a life of crime.

The proof was on the TV news; onscreen a fisherman was dragging the bloodied, bruised body of a gigantic great white shark from the waters.

Tue
23
Feb

Send in the clowns

Baraboo, Wis. can be a surrealistic place to live. Elephants bathe in the river, and nobody bats an eye. You might bump into a singing ringmaster at the grocery store. And of course, this town is full of clowns. But enough about the School Board.

Wed
17
Feb

Tastes like carp

I recently had the opportunity to try carp, and surprisingly it was quite delicious. The Ramsey-Washington Metro Watershed District and University of Minnesota have a project underway to study common carp living in the Lake Phalen chain of lakes.

Mon
15
Feb

Just say no to nylons

Attention, bra-burning feminists of the 1970s: You destroyed the wrong undergarment.

Brassieres may not be the most comfortable clothing item a woman can wear, but they're warm and fuzzy compared to the evil, leg-sucking hosiery known as "pantyhose."

Sat
13
Feb

Tell us something we didn't know

I used to think the only people who had easier jobs than humor columnists were meteorologists.

Pages

Subscribe to RSS - Viewpoints
Comment Here